January 23rd, 2015 
AstroNerdBoy Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Crystal – 13 Review
美少女戦士セーラームーンクリスタル
Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon Crystal
SPOILER Summary/Synopsis:
With Usagi having apparently slain her lover and taken her own life, the Legendary Silver Crystal emerges and encases the couple. Queen Metalia appears, absorbing the crystal and those inside, becoming too powerful for the remaining four Sailor Senshi to deal with. Artemis takes the injured Luna to the moon at her request while the impotent four Sailor Senshi fail to stop Queen Metalia as she spreads herself over the surface of Earth, taking it all over. The girls hear Usagi’s voice and recover, Sailor Venus gaining the holy sword again to the shock of Queen Metalia. The girls then sacrifice their power pens to channel that power into the sword, hoping to revive Sailor Moon, but Queen Metalia easily defeats them.
Inside Queen Metalia, Usagi awakens and sees the apparently dead Chiba. Usagi is despairing and Queen Metalia encourages this to destroy her. Usagi takes the small form of the crystal and uses it to escape with Chiba, where she discovers he’s still alive. An enraged Metalia attacks and Chiba tries to defend. Sailor Moon uses the Legendary Silver Crystal to hold off Metalia, but she’s losing. The gems of the Four Kings, which protected Chiba from death, shatter and the ghosts of the Four Kings give him the key to defeating Metalia. Now revived, Chiba (Endymion) snogs with Usagi (Serenity) and she’s able to evolve the Legendary Silver Crystal and summon a staff to attempt to seal and defeat Metalia.
Thoughts/Review:
I swear, this show is so laughably bad, both in terms of terrible storytelling (which wasn’t good storytelling even in its prime) and terrible dialog, but also in Toei’s “awesome” animation skills, in which they are the anti-ufotable.
As expected, the every so tragic killing-suicide by sword maneuver on the part of Usagi/Sailor Moon was fake as there’s that melodramatic, “Oh no! She killed her lover, then killed herself!” followed by, “She’s not dead yet” and “I think he’s getting better,” all thanks to convenient things that got in the way of the sword being deadly, or even breaking the skin, but not enough to protect them from getting knocked unconscious. My IQ points are dropping. No wonder I have been avoiding watching this.
The remaining Sailor Jailbait and their laughable attempts to be heroines.
Sailor Venus: We can defeat Queen Metalia!
Sailor Jailbait Team: YEAH!
Queen Metalia: I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wipers!
Sailor Mars: She’s so powerful! We have to save Usagi-chan!
Sailor Jupiter: The Princess!
Queen Metalia: I fart in your general direction!
Sailor Mercury: Usagi-chan!
Queen Metalia: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Sailor Jailbait Team: UGH! {The girls collapse unconscious, utterly defeated.}
Queen Metalia: So, Sailor Jailbait, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
(Note: Queen Metalia quotes come from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and the final one from Spaceballs. ^_^)
I was so hoping this would finish things, but alas, the final confrontation between Sailor Moon and Queen Metalia appears to be in the next episode. I’ll drag myself to watch it somehow.
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haha yip i was rolling my eyes when usagi tryd to slash mamoru and only just managed to scratch his shirt lol and then she fails at offing herself.
I guess thtas what happens when you give a girl a sword with no martial arts training. hell im surprised she could even lift the thing. Swords are heavy.
*lol* Yeah, ain’t that the truth. Maybe overexertion is why Usagi went unconscious. Still not sure how Chiba got knocked out that. ^_^;;;
I can say at this point you REALLY need you to view the original series (at least the first season) given your distaste for this one. While there was more monster of the day filler it also made many of the things that the manga/Crystal lack in terms of characterization more compelling. The characters grow on you and by the end of the season they feel like old friends…
Here…not so much.
The only thing I really like about Crystal is Usagi and Mamoru are much more grounded and believable as a couple compared to how the original forces them together for plot convenience.
The old anime series is on my list of things to watch and has been for ages. I just haven’t been able to work it in.
Interesting. I really haven’t considered that.
Ugh, the relationship between Usagi and Mamoru is so painfully boring in Crystal. Not to mention it takes over the entire story at the expense of everything else. It’s the only thing Usagi cares about.
Yeah, which became tedious.
The saddest part about Crystal is not even the bad animation, but how much the storytelling suffers because the Sailor Senshi aren’t developed enough around this time (as they were in the manga and the first anime) to make one care about them. They’re just appendages of Usagi, and their friendship never feels real here because Usagi only cares about Mamoru most of the time, and only gives them the occasional token nod to remind us they are supposed to be friends. In the first anime you actually could get why they’d be so loyal to Usagi, because they did develop an actual comraderie.
Very true.
That anime is on my list, but I haven’t taken the time to watch it.
Honestly man,
If you’re going to continue to review Crystal I would blog the original series sooner than later. With the entire first season and a good majority of Season 2 available on Hulu I would take the opportunity to educate myself on the appeal of the original anime.
If you could get through 196 episodes + of Urusei Yatsura during a specific period of time I would encourage you to make Sailor Moon your current “classic anime education”. As far as suggestions I would recommend binge watching the first 13 of season 1 and then slowing down after that point since Episode 14 is where the series finds it’s groove.
Well, that is why the old Sailor Moon is on the list. That being said, it took me eight years to get through UY. I started watching in May 2005 and didn’t finish the entire franchise until March 2013. ^_^;
Still, now that I’ll be working from home most days, I will have a bit more free time.